How I trained baby #2 to sleep

At first I was going to title this, “How I trained baby #2 to sleep through the night”.

But, I decided to drop the second part because she only *just* started sleeping through and so this post is mostly about promoting baby sleep.

That’s what the past almost year has been like!

(I can’t believe she’s almost 1!!!!!)

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First, I wanna say- hey girl (or hey parent!), I’m glad you’re here. There will be no mom or dad shaming in this post.

The biggest thing I learned this year is that how well your baby sleeps is not a measure of good parenting.

My baby slept pretty well and not well and that isn’t what made me a good mama to her.

My goal as a parent is to be gentle where it’s needed and firm where it’s needed and to have the wisdom to know which situation calls for either one.

That said, my baby girl needed gentle. Many times, I’d try to push her to reach my next sleep goal for her and each time, I found out it wasn’t what she needed. My sweet Eilah girl needed gentle guidance into great sleep. And I’m so happy I was able to embrace the patience this required and do what was best for her. (Uh, also that my husband & sister & whole host of friends/support system let me whine & kick & scream & prayed with me when it was driving me nuts!!!)

Here are my tips!

  1. You just had your baby. First, congratulations! Secondly, now is a wonderful time to start learning your baby’s sleep rhythms.
  2. I like to start out with letting baby sleep their longest stretch at night. How do we get there? Glad you asked!
      1. – There are helpful sleep associations & the ones I used with my daughter were a Dockatot and a Halo sleep sack. My son also used a wubbanub pacifier for a time.
      2. – I used an app called Baby Tracker to mark a start & stop time to feedings, sleep & diaper changes. (Lifesaver for baby #2, in my opinion as life may have a lot more going on!)
      3. – I fed her every 2-3 hours and woke her up to do so during the day. This thankfully pushed her 4-5 hour stretch to nighttime.
      4. – I looked at the app data and then I knew how much she usually ate & even which side. Knowing how much she was eating & when in a day helped me to know how long to let her sleep and when to wake her. Looking at her data gave me a lot of confidence in those early months! I dropped the app & went with the flow around 5 or 6 months bc she was getting distracted by my phone! (and mama needed a phone detox ☺️)
  3. My daughter couldn’t do cry it out. That had worked with my son but each time we tried with her, she’d end up throwing up and/or we quickly realized she had been using her voice to let us know she actually needed something!
  4. At night, I would change her diaper, put her in a Halo sleepsack or swaddle in the beginning & nurse her until she was either asleep or almost asleep. I wanted to put her down to sleep in either state. I learned from my son that you can sleep train and even wean a baby who always nurses to sleep at night, so I wasn’t worried about that. But I wanted to see if she could learn to go to sleep without being conked out from milk and she did/does so well!
  5. I would then immediately set her down in her Dockatot to sleep her longest stretch. It was amazing to have a time I knew she’d go to sleep each night! It was between 8:30-10:30 with the goal to get her to a normal 8 or 8:30p.m. bedtime (the same as her 2 year old brother). She woke up after a 5-6 hour stretch until 10 months old, then woke up again or a few more times and I nursed her & put her back down to sleep each time. *Just note that I don’t happen to co-sleep. It’s a personal thing as I can’t sleep that way, but I know a lot of moms who get their best sleep & it can be done safely. If you’re wondering about it, google mommypotamus or mama natural and co-sleeping safety for tips!
  6. During the day, I would look for signs of her being tired (rubbing eyes, getting fussy) and it helped that my app showed me when she usually was falling asleep for naps. I would change her diaper & put her in the Halo swaddle or sleep sack. Then I’d nurse her and she would always be awake. She would sleepily look at her wall decor until she fell asleep. She would let out a yelp or fuss for 30 seconds sometimes, but I’d pull the door to almost shut and when I either listened for a moment and/or checked back in 5-10 minutes, she was asleep. (This didn’t work for my son & I don’t know if it was him, or it was me- so know that I firmly believe each child teaches us about who they are through sleep training and every other part of everyday life & a schedule. I love the journey, even when it’s tough because ultimately you are getting to know your child intimately and that is the best part of life together).
  7. My daughter eventually dropped all night feeds, goes to sleep at 8 or 8:30p.m. in the same room as her older brother and sleeps 11-12 hours, the same as he does). She goes down for her first nap 1 to 1.5 hours after waking, sleeps 2 hours and naps her second nap of the day around 2:30 or 3p.m. This schedule fluctuates with life and either goes earlier or later depending on her needs but comes back to this. We recently started making sure she wakes up by 6p.m. so she can go down at 8 or 8:30, most days she’s up before that. When she was smaller, I didn’t worry about it but just made sure she was up 1 hour before going down for the night.
  8. I’m just so grateful that sleep training, even done very gently, does work! Now mama is learning how to sleep through the night again! ❤

I’m sending hugs & praying for you, friend! You are loving your child, you have goals, and you are suffering long with them and being kind. I’m amazed by you and I know it ain’t easy.

Let the people who love you help you, friend. This is a TOUGH season even as much as it is PRECIOUS. Sleep whenever you can, take a bath or a walk when you can, and learn to let others watch the baby when it’s time to let go a bit. You are holding him or her close and it’s such a privilege, isn’t it?!

Much love,

Ailene

What’s it’s like being a mom of 2 :) 11 months in!

It’s been 11 months since having our second child and I thought it would be nice to share how it’s been going!

First, you see those faces?! I adore them!

My children, a boy and girl, are 19 months apart. My daughter was born last February and my son was born two Junes before that.

Really, he was also a baby when she was born.

But quickly, oh so quickly and yet at times slowly, he’s becoming a little boy.

When we brought “baby” home from the hospital, we dressed her in an adorable pink furry bear onesie.

This may not have been the best choice, as he tried to pick her up like his favorite teddy bear and I realized our mistake. 🙂

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I remember those first weeks and leading up to it, wondering how on earth we could care for both kids.

We put some things into place and basically Daddy began to take over in some areas that freed me up to rest before she came and start to carve out a new normalcy of mama not always being available.

I also started to really take time for cuddles each day with my firstborn and that would continue after the baby got here. For us, it was watching Peppa or other shows. It’s still a great time for cuddling and nowadays I love being there with him so he can interact with me as he learns things on a show. Lazy parenting, whatever! Life-saving & a good break at times!

Now that I had two kids, I found myself reticent to go out. It would just be a bit before I could figure out how to do it safely- I’m guessing any parent with two smaller kids has to get the hang of it.

Something that has been tough is that we’ve been waiting for our oldest to talk clearly and make his needs known for a long time. I thought he’d be able to speak in English for about a year and a half before it just started to happen recently at 2.5 years old!

I remember the scariest moment when I braved going to the park with both of them and he ran into the street. I thought I would faint but determinedly ran after him and got him, while needing to leave my baby in her stroller. It was so stressful and it took me a long time to get up the nerve to try it again! I decided to wait until he could follow directions and we are still working on that.

So this past almost year, we have stayed home and opted for a daycare program that was a few mornings right after Eilah was born and then another one that’s only one day a week more recently. It’s been a great thing for our family!

In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with togetherness and being safe and then venturing out when you know it’s smart to do so. If you know me, I LOVE ADVENTURE!

Our son has been to 10 states, most of those in his first year of life. But we’ve chosen to stay home a lot more once our second arrived, just to give time to adjust to this major change for not only us, but also our 2 year old.

We have since traveled twice and both were great experiences!

I think the key to a great trip is to do it with family, if possible because everyone loves spending time together and it takes the pressure off to know that grandparents are enjoying being with their grandkids and caring for them. It’s just the best! I remember traveling last year at 3 months pregnant and solely with my 13 month old to a family beach vacation with my large Italian family. There were so many people to love on him and look out for him and it was still exhausting but so enjoyable. I’ll never forget my brothers and cousins being happy to hang with him while I went swimming in the ocean. Delicious freedom!

So fast forward to this morning with two kids.

My son is 2.5 now, my daughter just turned 11 months old.

It was the day of the week we needed to get up and out to drop him off at his daycare experience.

I was trying to fight off the familiar feelings of stress and feeling disappointed in myself for not getting it right.

It’s been really hard to get him up and out lately and I didn’t want to start the new year in the same frame of mind.

He tantrums every single time.

Right now tantrum triggers are anything to do with being told what to do and having to do it in a timely manner.

Our past 3 times, we were so late even though we started getting ready an hour ahead of time. The very last time before break, it was 30 minutes! Ee!

So, this morning, I did NOT want to repeat that!

I decided I would make his lunch the night before to get that out of the way.

I’d wake up early and get an hour of work done so I didn’t have that in the way.

Check. Check! It was going well!

He threw a tantrum about getting his fleece pullover on, normal. (He’d already thrown a small fit that involved a dirty diaper and we successfully got through that while keeping everything clean so I was like, we will DO THIS).

Daddy (my back up:) ) left for work and we were still on time and it was shoe time.

I gave him a choice and to my delight he said, “boot doe”. Doe is his word for shoe and this was his first time saying boot! He thought it had to go with shoe, so cute!

And my goodness, was this the first time ever he has SAID an opinion or preference?! My eyes tear up just thinking about how long I’ve waited for that!

I put Eilah in her baby carseat and we all 3 happily began going down the stairs to the door.

We stepped outside as my 2 year old stunned me again by chatting about the birds and wanting them to come back and saying “birds, fly!” It was wonderful!

Then reality came crashing through me as I realized I had forgotten my purse with not only my driver’s license but also my fob.

How could I have forgotten that? And my phone was in our home.

My husband was hopefully coming as back up to help us load up, but it was cold and we couldn’t just wait.

It dawned on me that all this joy and ease was about to get difficult.

Two steps forward, one step back. That has truly been this whole year as a mom of 2.

Making me unflappable. Making me thankful things weren’t always easy and for all the depression and challenges I’d overcome after having my first. Making me figure out a schedule and always always planning ahead not just for things to go smooth, but just for things to happen at all!

I think being a parent of two little ones gives an invitation for intentionality. Whenever a movie pops on, I still have a hard time sitting down and staying still. For me, movie means time to clean up the home & get things done while the toddler is entertained and the baby doesn’t need to nurse, go down to sleep, etc! It’s a bit embarrassing- especially when my sister is over and we are supposed to be enjoying it together and I just go to the kitchen and start unloading the dishwasher!

So, yes, my 2.5 year old did not understand why we had to step back inside. He cried so hard all while I was explaining it to him every step along the way. Even the baby started to cry (she doesn’t cry often!) I tried not to cry, myself. I fought off the feelings of disappointment in myself for not being perfect and at the same time, felt determined that we could still make this all happen and be on time for his class.

I ran up, got the purse, ran down and when he realized we were going back outside and to “our-car” (He says it like one word), he was instantly back to being happy. I was glad I held onto happy, too.

We got to his school and he just started quivering as soon as he recognized it. Not because it’s scary, but at the same time, it is at his age sometimes. He feels all the feels like one live wire. I took it slow, took him out and held him and tried to form a plan.

His school involves stairs, so I learned early on that I can’t keep the baby in her stroller. I’ve tried everything. I’ve carried her in a carrier and ended up carrying my 2 year old at the same time. That’s a wild experience.

Today was even harder. Why did I think doing my arm day workout was a good idea before this whole deal?!

I decided to carry her in her carseat and carry him, as well. Idk but I think that was like 50 pounds. I was staggering and pushing forward with everything in me.

A lady was like, please go ahead and I was like, uh, I can’t. Thankfully the greeters came and helped and held Eilah in her seat while I helped him transition into his class.

Whew. So yeah, that’s an example of what it’s like being a mom of 2. Just the practical real life-ness of it.

It’s hard, it’s simple and it’s beautiful.

We’ll have many years of going out to parks and on adventures and it’s okay that the first year was more quiet.

Would you be interested in tips on how to enjoy being at home with 2 kids, doing educational activities and having them practice self play? It’s been amazing for being a work at home mom! I think I’ll do a post about it soon. My next one will probably be my daughter’s birth story. It’s kinda neat because it was a hospital birth, after having a homebirth the first time around! I loved both for different reasons. I was ecstatic about both for different reasons. And I’ve absolutely treasured her birth story in my heart for the past year. What a gift it was to me and to our family!

Xoxo,

Ailene

 

2019- Year in Review

2019 will always be the year I had my baby girl.

She came to us “late” but early this year in February.

Such a sweet gift and perfect addition to our family.

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I just finished playing with my son, laying beside each other laughing inside his tent.

There’s nothing that fills my heart so much as quality time with my little family.

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And my larger fam. My heart is so full from a recent trip to Pennsylvania where I experienced the love of so many aunts, uncles, cousins, step-cousins and my immediate family as well all stayed together in our parents’ home.

My heart is also freshly grateful at the reminder of the brevity of life.

My heart grieves the brevity of this life and it also grows and stretches up into the hope and surety of my faith.

Eternal life.

Perfection of beauty.

Togetherness with God and all those who choose His love and just to simply believe.

He has saved us from our sins.

Sin= the ugly in each of us that separates us from God.

God= pure light & complete forgiveness.

Exchanging ashes for beauty.

 

I loved this year. Yet, it was really, profoundly hard.

I’m insanely proud of myself for how I handled really tough circumstances and challenging mindsets this year.

I didn’t always feel like I was winning, but I was.

And hey! Not only did I find a workout groove from 37-41 weeks pregnant in the beginning of the year, I was able to punch out 87 workouts from July on.

 

I’m proud of that and also just so grateful I can move my body.

I may be the heaviest this year that I’ve ever been by a lot, but I’ve learned that’s not a determining factor of beauty.

That comes from within and shines outward. And curvy isn’t ugly.

 

Dear One of my soul,

Thank You for life. For my husband who is the friend of my heart & life forever and the best person all around. For my teeny lady who is completely delightful and so beautiful & funny. For my son who taught and is teaching me the fun it is to be a mama and just how tightly love can weave its way into my heart for another human.

For my mom, who has weathered many storms with me and we always come forth stronger, more whole and more in love with each other with better tools on how to keep growing together. And my dear daddy who is the most amazing man I know before I met the most amazing man I know who is my husband. ❤

For my sister, who journeys with me through many things of heart & body and who also shows me how beautiful a life can be in many seasons of the soul.

For my older bro, who is not only fierce, but is someone to deeply love, easy to love and so deep and wonderful.

For my younger bro and his cats. 🙂

For my dear grandma and all the beauty she has grown on earth and the deep faith she has passed on to each of us.

For my dear grandma-in-law who is such a joyful person and loving generous Christian.

For my in-laws who have become even more deeply family and are a lot of fun for us all to be around and also oh so generous of heart.

For my coworkers who make life wonderful and help me to grow and be better.

For all who I love and who have loved me and mine.

XOXO,

Ailene

What I wish They Told Me Before Having 2 Kids under 2

Here’s what I wish “they” would’ve told me before I had 2 kids under 2.

  1. Fall and Christmas plates & decor come back in season before you know it. Just leave them out! 🙂
  2. You might feel like you are required to be the energizer bunny & pulled in many directions, but just breathe. It.will.all.come.together!
  3. Prayer is powerful.
  4. Reach out for help. And when God sends help, open your heart to receive it.
  5. Stay close to your partner. Let out the ugly to God, then a tamer version to your partner. Sometimes it will be in the reverse order & that’s okay because life is real & they will love you through it & perhaps offer insight, kind eyes or prayer that will heal you. In the midst of it all, keep pursuing your spouse in some small way. It will go miles!
  6. Diapers are just diapers. No need to potty train super early unless it works for you & your toddler! You get used to it & it’s one less thing to worry about right now.
  7. Give it a little while before you feel like you’re in a rhythm. The home will come back in order, your health will come back into order, just take it in small steps towards your main goals. Write them down so they’re not in your head! Then give yourself grace as you slowly implement them. It will be soo satisfying when you reach each tiny goal- don’t worry, it will happen!
  8. Take in the moments of rest. When baby needs to nurse or be held longer. When the toddler needs to be held or read extra books. These are the highlights of your life. Truly, these babies won’t be babies forever and even the toughest memories when they are tiny become beautiful after some time passes.
  9. See if you can either a) get up a little earlier than the kids to meditate, pray, read the Bible and/or do something you love for a few minutes (sip some tea while watching the sunrise, etc.) or b) stay up a little later to do the same thing. But believe me, the more sleep you can get, the better so sometimes that is the thing that is most necessary & helps you the most!
  10. I wish someone had told me all of the JOY having 2 babies under 2 brings. When the 4 of us just lay on the floor and laugh, it fulfills something in my heart that I could never have dreamed. It’s SO good.

What’s something you wish someone had told you about having 1, 2 or 3 kids (or more!)?!

Xoxo,

Ailene

What Type of Parent I am

I’ve had the amazing realization of what kind of parent I should be this week.

I want to start by saying that I have a reallly compassionate heart and I remember what it was like to be a tenderhearted kid.

So, I guess I’ve always wondered how I would parent.

I figured that I would still be my Italian self who can be loud & passionate, but also gentle which is my nature.

I’m guessing I’m probably not alone in feeling a little afraid of how to proceed.

But 2 year olds…man, they pull it out of you.

You find yourself with a tantruming little person in front of you and you just have to figure out how to deal. Amiright?!

Our 2 year old’s tantrums have been at an all time high in the past few weeks and I won’t go into details, but let’s just say I’ve had to face everything. Just everything about how to parent and who I am as a parent.

And it hit me- I will be a firm and tender parent.

Firm where it’s absolutely needed for guidance and to keep my child from harm and from harming others.

And tender as soon as he gets it and I can just wrap him up in my love.

No matter how upset he has been, my love has been bigger.

It just overflows and you’re just trying to find any way to bring calm back to their hearts and environment.IMG_1683

I guess my heart as a child used to be confused by authority figures who were harsh and never explained themselves.

Every person has moments where they handle it badly, but I think the thing that healed me the most was those authority figures who followed up and apologized and when it was appropriate, explained what was going on.

I still don’t completely know how this will go- that’s parenting a firstborn for ya!

But I’ve had so much confidence in my parenting and my child responds amazingly well to my confidence.

So, to all the other mamas and papas out there who are going through tough times, I’m praying for you, that as you read this you’d feel grace and just know what to do next with your child.

We’re doing it!

In it together,

Ailene

Why People Think MLMs are BAD for Women

What a title, eh?

Nope, I’m not Canadian!

My passion for (true) feminism is what led me to write this article.

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MLMS have a stigma, to say the least.

I’ve never paid too much attention to stigmas, especially when it comes to something I have solidly thought through, talked through with a few close people to get advice and ultimately is beneficial to my family.

One of these things is being a part of not one, but two multi-level marketing companies.

Why I love them: A community of people stand together and build their individual LLCs with the help of other small business owners, under a branch of a larger company that backs them. What could be better than that?

Well, small businesses mean dealing with people. And sometimes people can be a bit wild. Pushing for sales, overusing their relationship base. I think a lot of MLMs could benefit from asking their people to take business courses or having a requirement to that end.

The Stigma of MLMS and Why they are BAD for Women.

Oh my! I can’t believe that in this century people are not only writing this stuff; they are believing it.

Goodbye feminine power.

Goodbye equality.

Respect.

Ethics.

Sure, there is probably a woman out there who has no idea how to navigate relationships, is pushy and selling to people, seeing them as a number.

There is a probably a woman out there who is putting more money into the products than she is making a profit off of them.

But you don’t see articles slamming small business owners who are women in the same way.

You see, women can be naturally relational. So can men. Building up a network from some of those relationships is normal when a person goes into business. Historically, local businesses survive off of this network.

MLMs build communities. Most build the character of a person, encouraging personal growth and good leadership skills and that’s the sign of a good businessperson.

Yeah, the private messages on social media platforms that are random and don’t make sense are annoying.

Yeah, it would be better if people were more direct and didn’t come off as using your high school relationship status as another person to use and manipulate into their pyramid scheme.

But women are smart.

Women are good leaders.

(Men are smart and men are good leaders, but they aren’t usually being slammed like this).

So when you see a woman “hustling” don’t assume they are lazy, blind, incompetent and wasting their livelihoods.

Maybe they truly are successful.

Maybe on top of having a college degree, they have found something they love and decided to go for living a dream instead of what is expected.

Maybe they have a passion to help people’s lives be better. More beautiful (by selling makeup), having better health (by selling any number of health products), or more fit (by selling fitness stuff).

We should support these women if we want to, because they are small business owners.

If you have another thought on this topic and it doesn’t include an ancient mindset on the respectability of women, share below.

Thanks,

Ailene

Becoming what I wanted to be when I grew up

I have been doing my dream job for the past 8 years.

Since the age of 12, I dreamed of growing up to be a missionary.

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An African Children’s Choir came to our church and my family hosted two boys. It was such an amazing time. We had so much fun and I was deeply touched by them.

It was the summer after sixth grade, the last opportunity to attend Penn Del camp.

I went and missionaries to Africa spoke.

I bought the tape of music, and sang the words in Swahili over and over.

I still cry anytime anyone speaks of Africa and feel so privileged to have some friends from various nations on that continent.

At 15, the worship dance company I had just joined was invited to go to Honduras.

My family didn’t have the money to send me, but I dreamed about it anyway.

We were able to raise the funds and though it was only 14 days long, I fell in love with this nation. I couldn’t get the people out of my head, the language. I was immersed and so much so, I experienced culture shock coming back to the U.S.

It was a shock to come back to my home and see how big it was, a shock that we have so many different colors and styles of shoes. Shoes, that are just a necessity for protecting feet- here in the United States, I grew up with it being common to have a different shoe for each outfit. It struck me as the strangest thing in the world that I had pink shoes.

My parents’ home seemed so large. I had previously thought it medium or even small-sized. I was so grateful to have my own room.

This only solidified my desire.

I would grow up to be a missionary to Honduras. I would go to college to learn Spanish and become a teacher.

Well, I did grow up to go to ministry school. It was amazing.

For the first time in my life, I had classes on books of the Bible.

I grew up in public school and never had delved into Hermeneutics.

I love, loved it. Each day was the best, going to a new class and studying the history of many books of the Bible and just everything I loved it so much.

We went on a missions’ trip, to my pure delight, back to Honduras. I had cried as our plane left the ground as a 15 year old. As an 18 year old, I came back to a different Honduras. Even the poor had cell phones. It was wild. So different.

But I still was in love. And dreamed of going back to teach and love on children there.

I came home from that trip, graduated from ministry school (twice 😀 :D).

I went home to PA, living with my parents.

I was directionless, depressed. I thought I had this exciting life and now it felt like a failure.

Then commenced the sweetest season of falling in love with my parents all over again. The friendship & moments we shared during that season are still a foundation of the relationship we have today.

I didn’t have much going on or many friends and I began to spend time in worship and prayer.

Instead of wallowing in sadness and not knowing what was to come, I just dove into study of the word and prayer and reveled in the goodness of a real God, more real to me than I’d ever imagined possible.

From there, I got a new dream. To join a place that ministers to Jesus in worship and prayer 24/7. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week- it never stops.

And here I am, 8 years into this dream.

I’m a missionary to my own country of origin. It’s been so moving to stay. Not to go on the mission field but to stay and love my own family, friends and all of the beautiful people who have come here from so many nations of the world to call the United States home.

Who knows what is ahead, but I’m beyond thrilled to be living this dream come true.

Jesus is God. He’s man. He’s the one who bridges the gap between God in heaven, the Father and us, humans. He gives us all of His inheritance of light and life. In Him, we have the Holy Spirit. The One who draws us into the Father, into the Son and lives alongside of us as a help.

God’s light is never-ending.

In His light,

Ailene