To My Darling Second Child

To my darling second child,

You have surprised us with joy.

Our lives moved forward with no knowledge of your existence for a little over a month.

It was sweet for this planning-everything-to-a-T kinda mama, to have something so completely beyond her, come into being without her knowledge.

Thank you for choosing us.

I’m feeling you kick, for sure now, on the cusp of 19 weeks with you. I’ve been feeling flutters of you since 14 weeks…it must be the way I’m built, being able to feel my little ones so soon.

I remember the ultrasound technician being so sure I couldn’t have felt your big brother at 16 weeks. Later on, when I knew for sure what a kick from a fetus felt like, I knew it had been very real.

My life with you so far is constant, yet in snatches. I’m constantly aware of your presence, the changes in my body. Yet, I’m completely caught up in living and how many times you’ve already kicked your brother or he’s sat on you, I’ve already lost count!

I didn’t know if I’d be able to emotionally handle having the dreamed about second child. You see, hormones swirling & mama’s mental health struggles don’t mix very well. But what I didn’t realize was that more than a cliche saying, His grace is sufficient for me.

And more than I realized, this journey of motherhood is a journey of me rising up, an invitation to step into beauty. The beauty of making my own choices for myself and two little ones. The beauty of being true to what I can handle and refusing the guilt that threatens to overcome me. Just like in my marriage, what is required of me is to become the real me. The one I’ve always been shy of being in bright boldness, but the only option, really. The more I’m true to myself, the sweeter my marriage to your daddy. The more I’m true to myself, the sweeter my mothering is to you. Thank you for requiring that of me. ❤

God’s grace is overflowing, my second baby. From that earthquake shock of a positive test at 11 months postpartum with your brother, to that sweet rush of joy that hasn’t stopped coming, your presence shakes the world little one.

We are all so happy to meet you. Eager to know more about you, little by little. First, you just keep forming & growing, then we’ll figure out the rest when you’re in our arms.

I can’t wait to love you with a little less worry than I felt with mama’s firstborn.

I can’t wait to drink in your sweet newborn newness without wondering if you’ll ever grow, make eye contact, really smile & laugh.

It goes breathtakingly fast and I’m gonna hold on a little longer, and I’m so glad that gets to be with you.

We’re dreaming up names for you & we’re excited to find out whether you’re a girl or boy in 2 weeks.

Until then,

Mama